we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
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