I just threw up on my dentist
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize