i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
