the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
