It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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