Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
