I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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