i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
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I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
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