shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
well you can't waste a boner
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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