Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
