Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
This girl is more easily done than said...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
