You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
