So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
