She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
