dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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