I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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