I'm laying in your front yard are you home
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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