I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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