therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
