I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
