I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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