She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
