He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
