What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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