How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
