Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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