Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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