I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Randomize
