So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
