OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
