I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
