Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
