i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
