Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
