Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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