8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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