Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
