I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
