hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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