the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
