at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Randomize
