...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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