I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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