the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
