absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
