glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
