remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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