Got a toothbrush?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
