She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
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Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
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I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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