Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
