just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
