it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Every concussion has its silver lining
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
