What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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