i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
