id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
