She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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