I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
