Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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