Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
