and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
