I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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