I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
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