You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
