Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Sext me about skeletons
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
