Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
